《心感的分离》

作者：美国纽约市G。萨尔瓦多。快译（请允许我事后修改）：今又是。原文出处：洛杉矶时报。

有时，一个人进入我们的生活是恰好其时。我们立即互关了起来，深深地。。。。。。之后会像鸟一样，比翼双飞。我们互相帮助，引导对方，走过那些使我们后退和僵滞的阻碍。一人会向另一人揭示全面去相信另外一个人类生命该怎么做，如何去打开他人的心房，去里面好好看看。。。。。。如何更加地耐心，谦和与善怀。另外的一方也会教会我们如何涉及我们自身的能力，在世界一面里，为人留足余地，同时帮助我们找到勇气，追随正确的共同途径。我们唤醒彼此的情感和理智。我们也常散去了臆想，给彼此一面互照的镜子。

而后，也许人们会有分离的时刻。分手的时刻里，成了各走各的路，只因那些将你们汇拢在一起的课程业已学成。

你已将个人彼此带入了今天的现状。

这样的离合聚散，放手对方，是需极大的勇气和极多的爱心的。许他人去经历其它的新事和新人。好多人会问：“出何问题了？“一些朋友和家人也会感到很失望。他们总想把你们重新撮合在一起，此生与共。如果此番行为是坦怀舒意的，他人就能感到安全。你决定在自己各自的生活里各自前行，分开着，为各自离散了实情实景。这时他们就只好去看待他们自己的生活。。。。。。。和他们自己的人际关系了。

什么是你能心感分离的方式种种呢？对初遇者来说，该去彼此一道走走长长的路，然后经过交谈处理每件事。更多的是，将你们彼此的怨恨和责备宣泄出来，全盘地承受。默不作声是可以的----只要能以健康、互尊的方式进行，诚如所说的那样：“我需要一些处理此事的时间”。然而，沉默作为退撤的方法，对于互相关系来说，也会是非常具有损害性的。如果你是从沉默方式处理的状态里长大的话，就如我们中的好些人，你就会懂得交流发生的每件事是多么的至关重要。由此，你若不想交谈而又需要一些的时间，那就应该直接让你的对方知道。

听着。不带判断地听着，无有维护自己必要地去听着。把自我放在边上，别去担心一定要对。。。。。。。或错。对你相关的对方对你所说的一切你可以不同意（你也许本不同意），但请你许可自己心然于此。那只是他们对你的感想。。。。。。他们是如何看你的以及他们是如何为你而感的，那不过是一些事情中，你那样对他们呈现了自己。这并不意味着那就是你的原本究竟。所以，试着对事保持相互理解。。。。。。接着请保持耐心。

与某人分手无需注满了憎恨和疑虑。那儿依然有着曾经的爱，在众多的场景中，而且依然还在。如果我们复如当初般那样在意他人的感想和感情种种，就像我们在乎自己那样，那在关系处理时，整个的经历就会如同我们当时原初走在一起时，一般的美好，也许还能美好得更多。。。。。。

《Mindful Separation》

By G.S.  Original resource: 《L.A Times》

Sometimes, a person comes into our life at just the right time.  We connect immediately, deeply…and we soar like birds.  We help guide each other through certain obstacles in our lives that may be holding us back, keeping us stuck.  One shows the other what it’s like to fully trust another human being, how to open up their heart and really look inside…how to be patient, gentler and kinder.  The other may teach us how to access our personal power, take up more space in the world and help us find the courage to follow our true path.  We awaken each other's hearts and minds.  We shatter previous illusions and show each other the mirror.

And then, it may be time to part.  Time to move forward, separately, because the lessons that have brought you both together have now been learned.

You’ve brought each other to now.

It takes a tremendous amount of courage, and a lot of love, to let someone go. To allow them to experience something and someone new. Many people will ask, “What went wrong?”.  Some friends and family will be disappointed.  They liked the two of you together and wanted you to stay together.  Comfortable in that, they felt safe.  Your decision to move on with your lives, separately, shatters that image for them.  Now they are forced to look at their own lives…their own relationships.  Hopefully, most others though will understand that this is your journey and that you need to walk the path that is laid out in front of you.

What are some ways you can mindfully separate?  For starters, take long walks together and talk everything through.  Most of all, get out all the anger and resentments you may have towards each other.  Bare it all.  Silence is ok – as long as it serves the relationship in a healthy, respectful way, like saying “I need some time to process this”.  Silence as a way of withholding, however, can be very damaging to the relationship – a passive aggressive way to punish or cause suffering.  If you grew up with the silent treatment, as many of us have, than you understand how vital it is to communicate everything.  So, if you don’t want to talk and need some time than let just let your partner know.

Listen.  Listen without judgment and without the need to defend yourself.  Put egos aside and don’t worry about being right…or wrong.  You may not agree with everything your partner has to say about you (you probably won’t) but allow yourself to be ok with that.  It’s their perception of you…how they see you and how they feel towards you.  What you represent to them in some instances.  It doesn’t mean that is who you really are.  So, try to be understanding of one another…and be patient.

Separating from someone doesn’t have to be filled with animosity and mistrust.  There was love there once and, in most cases, there still is. If we’re authentically mindful and aware of the other person’s thoughts and feelings, as well as our own, during the process than it can be just as beautiful an experience as when we initially came together.  Possibly even more so…

注：

G.萨尔瓦多是我在纽约超过20年的好友，纽约著名的摄影师之一，滚石等著名乐团和演唱家等人的摄影师。

转载时，请注明出处，谢谢！