婚姻幽默

“ When a man steals your wife, there is no better

revenge than to lethim keep her."
 

如果有人搶了你的老婆，最好的報復就是讓他留著。

 Lee Majors (美國電影明星 - 李.梅爾)

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they
 just can't face each other, but still they stay" together.

結婚後夫妻就像一個硬幣的兩面·；他們不但不能面對面，而且還分不開。
 Al Gore (克林頓當總統時的副總統 - 阿爾·戈爾)

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.

If youget a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

不管怎麼樣，還是結婚的好。如果你找到一個好太太，

你會很幸福。假如你找到一個壞的，你會成為一個哲學家。
 

Socrates (古希臘的思想家、哲學家，教育家 - 蘇格拉底)

 
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents

 us from achieving them."
 

女人給了男人做大事的激勵和靈感，同時又給了男人完成大事的阻力。

 Mike Tyson (前美國拳王 - 麥克.泰森)

 
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is,
“What does a woman want?"
 

有一個好問題我總是沒答案；那就是 “女人到底想要什麼？”

George Clooney (美國著名演員 - 喬治·克魯尼)

"I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me."
 

我跟我太太才說了幾個字，她卻回了我一段長篇大論。

 Bill Clinton (美國前總統- 比爾.克林頓)

 
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go
> to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft
 music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
 

有人問我婚姻能維持這麼長的秘密。我們每個星期去餐館兩次。

晚餐有燭光，音樂，和跳舞。她星期二去，我星期五去。
 

George W. Bush (美國前總統 - 小布希)

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."

我不怕恐怖分子。我已經結婚兩年了。
 

Rudy Giuliani (前紐約市911事件時的市長 - 魯迪.朱利安尼)

"Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
 2. Whenever you're right, shut up."
 

有兩個秘密能讓你的婚姻圓滿：
1. 當你錯時，馬上認錯。
 2. 當你對時，閉上嘴巴。

Shaquille O’Neal (美國籃球巨星 - 沙奎爾.奧尼爾)

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget
 it once..."
 最有效的方法記住你太太的生日就是先忘掉一次。
 Kobe Bryant (美國籃球巨星 - 科比·布萊恩特)

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."

 我太太和我都高高興興的過了二十年，然後我們相遇了。

 Alec Baldwin (美國電影明星 - 亞歷克.! 鮑德溫

"A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong."

一個好太太當她是錯的時候總是原諒她的丈夫。

 Barack Obama (美國總統- 歐巴馬)

"Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy."
 

婚姻是唯一的敵我睡在一張床上的戰爭。
 

Tommy Lee (美國老牌電影明星 - 湯米.李)

"First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
 Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
 

有個人驕傲的說 “我的太太是天使！”
 另一個聽到的人說 “你真幸運！我的還活著！”
 

Jimmy Kimmel (美國著名電視節目主持人 - 吉米.金米爾)

“Honey, what happened to ‘ladies first’?” Husband

replies, “That’s the reason why the world’s a mess today,

 because a lady went first!”
 

“親愛的，女士優先又怎麼了？” 丈夫回答說，”

今天世界亂成這個樣子就是因為有女的先來了！“

 David Letterman (美國電視著名脫口秀主持人 - 大衛.萊特曼)