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人不求我勿助之——《智慧篇》七十
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人不求我勿助之——《智慧篇》七十
Do Not Offer Help Unless Asked For—from Life's Wisdom
浑沌草
Deiform Celestial
October 18, 2006
百分之九十防患于未然的预测和预备工作都是多余的，是时间、精力和财力的浪费，百分之九十自愿帮助他人的工作都是多余的，有害的，是对道的安排的逆施。
Ninety percent of the efforts spent on predicting and preparing for potential hazards are unnecessary and result in a waste of time, energy, and resources. Similarly, ninety percent of voluntary efforts to help others are also unnecessary, harmful, and contrary to the natural order.
我说颠倒了吗？
Have I got it backwards?
修的长城，用了多少？养百万雄兵，造战舰战机无数，被用了多少？防止孩子出门上当受骗你说了多少语重心长的叮咛和嘱咐，有多少“真知灼见”用上了？为了防止配偶红杏出墙你辗转反侧绞尽脑汁，你的心血有多少被用上了？你精心构思的场面现实中发生的概率多大？每个人可以从自身经验中总结统计，你为了防止某事而提前采取的措施和办法百分之九十没用。
Think about the Great Wall that was built — how much effort was expended on it? Maintaining a million-strong army, constructing countless warships and aircraft — how much of that was utilized? You've given numerous heartfelt warnings and advice to prevent your children from being deceived when they go out — how much of your "profound insights" have been put into practice? You've agonized and racked your brains over how to prevent your spouse from straying — how much of your efforts have been effective? What's the likelihood that the scenarios you meticulously plan for actually occur in reality? Everyone can reflect on their own experiences and conclude that ninety percent of the measures and methods taken beforehand to prevent something often end up being useless.
我为什么强调“人不求我勿助之”呢？因为发现它百分之九十是自作多情，害人害己。
Why do I emphasize "don't help unless asked"? Because I've found that ninety percent of the time, it's meddling unnecessarily, harming both others and oneself.
首先我要问：你为什么要帮助别人？别人不求你，你却要帮助，你知道这里有多少害吗？
Firstly, I have to ask: why do you want to help others? If they don't ask for your help, but you insist on helping, do you realize how much harm this can cause?
一、强行给他人套上了情感债务。
1. It forcibly imposes emotional debt on others.
你帮助了别人，被人就得心存感激，就欠了你的情，“人情不是债，急时把锅卖”，什么时候当你有难时，他人就得全力以赴偿还债务，即使砸锅卖铁，即使赴汤蹈火，也得还啊，今生能还了较好，若没机会还，下辈子还得再来给你还债，你说你残忍不？
When you help someone, they are expected to feel grateful, thus owing you an emotional debt. “Favors are not debts, but in times of need, one might sell even their cooking pot.” Whenever you face difficulties, others are obligated to repay this debt with all their might, even if it means selling their belongings or risking their lives. They must repay. It's better to repay in this lifetime; if they can't, they'll have to come back in the next life to repay you. Do you think this is not cruel?
二、强行让他人背上了经济债务。
2. It forces others into economic debt.
有一对夫妻，虽然日子过的有点紧巴，但小日子平安顺利，日出日落，开心快乐，他们有个富裕朋友，看他们日子过的“穷酸”，就主动借给3万元教他们如何倒卖买，从此这夫妻俩再也没有过上一天平静的日子，最后不仅没富起来，朋友借的3万元也几乎全赔了进去，男的最后走上了犯罪道路，女的离婚后不知去向。
There was a married couple who, despite living modestly, were content and happy in their daily lives. They had a wealthy friend who, seeing their "poor" lifestyle, voluntarily lent them 30,000 yuan to teach them how to do business. From then on, this couple never experienced another peaceful day. In the end, not only did they fail to become wealthy, but they also almost lost all the 30,000 yuan borrowed from their friend. The husband eventually turned to a life of crime, and the wife disappeared after divorcing him.
一家六口，上有老，下有小，中年夫妻紧赶慢赶，才能勉强支撑着家，一天，75岁的老人突然不省人事，躺在家里两天后眼看着没救了，这时亲朋好友中出现了一个好人，他主动借给他们一万元，并打电话叫县医院救护车来将老人拉到县医院抢救，人是抢救过来了，可整个地瘫痪了，一万元不仅不够支付医院的治疗费和住院费，还从其他亲友处借了5千元，这家人现在这个日子怎么过？
Consider a family of six, with elderly members and young children, struggling to make ends meet. One day, the 75-year-old elder suddenly becomes unconscious and, after lying at home for two days with no improvement, seems beyond help. At this critical moment, a Well-meaning person among their relatives and friends steps forward, lending them 10,000 yuan. He also calls the county hospital to send an ambulance to rush the elderly person to the hospital for treatment. Although the elderly person survives after being treated, they are left completely paralyzed. The 10,000 yuan borrowed is not only insufficient to cover the hospital treatment and hospitalization expenses but also prompts them to borrow another 5,000 yuan from other relatives and friends. How will this family manage their lives from now on?
有人喜欢给亲朋好友送东西，送的东西90％不是人家急用的东西，或者说是人家根本就从来不想用的东西，按照常规来讲，你是白送东西，不管有用没用，起码没让人家受损失，白给的不要白不要，其实不然，接受者亏大了，人家好心好意主动关心帮助送来了，不接受岂不是不识好歹了吗？接受吧！暂时看来一切是白白地获得的，其实都是一件件债务，各自心里很明白那东西值多少钱，相互欠下了多少债，时候不到，一切风平浪静，时候一到，赶紧还吧！当时没什么用的白白送的东西现在你得全折合成钱再买成其他东西还回去。
Some people like to give gifts to relatives and friends. Ninety percent of these gifts are often not urgently needed by the recipients, or sometimes they are things the recipients never wanted to use in the first place. By conventional standards, you might think you're giving something for free, whether it's useful or not, at least not causing any loss to the recipient and that you should not reject something given for free. But in reality, the recipient ends up at a loss. The giver's well-intentioned gesture of care and help results in the recipient losing out. Refusing the gift might seem ungrateful. So, you accept it! At first, it seems like you're getting something for nothing, but in reality, it's accumulating debt. Both parties know exactly how much the gift is worth and how much debt they owe each other. When the time hasn't come, everything seems calm. But when the time comes, this debt must be repaid, converting the initially "useless" gift into a financial burden that must be matched or repaid in kind.
三、阻断了别人通过受苦受难偿还债务的道路。
3. It cuts off the path for others to repay debts through suffering.
受苦受难不一定全是坏事，有些可能是为了使当事人明白某个道理，有些可能是为了让当事人偿还掉某个债务，总之，有因有果，有果有因，你若主动去帮助，等于延缓了他解脱的时间，本来是急性病，三天就好，但由于你的主动帮助，急性病变成了三十年也不易治好的慢性病了。
Not all suffering is necessarily a bad thing. Some suffering may be to help the person understand a certain truth, or it may be to allow the person to repay a debt. Everything happens for a reason; there is cause and effect. If you intervene and help someone without being asked, you may delay their path to liberation. Originally, it might have been an acute illness that could have been cured in three days, but because of your unsolicited help, it turned into a chronic illness that is difficult to cure even after thirty years.
四、搅扰了他人的计划。
4.Disrupted others' plans.
老子为了拯救儿子，把儿子强行关进了柴房，好心的邻居主动帮助将其儿子放了出来，结果儿子参与一起犯罪活动，蹲进了监牢
A father locked his son in a woodshed to save him, but a kind-hearted neighbor intervened and released the son. As a result, the son got involved in criminal activities and ended up in prison.
小学程度的小姑娘进城在一家餐馆打工，凭着心灵手巧会很快学会做生意的技巧，将来离开此店结婚后就可以争取自己开一家餐馆，可就是有个好心人，看着姑娘美丽，觉得在饭店打工浪费身才，就主动帮助她找到了一个相对轻闲舒适的工作，那么，以后呢？
A young girl with only primary school education moves to the city and starts working at a restaurant. With her quick learning and dexterity, she could easily pick up business skills, which would help her in the future to open her own restaurant after leaving her current job and getting married. However, there was a well-meaning person who, seeing the girl's beauty, felt that working in a restaurant was a waste of her talent. This person then helped her find a relatively easy and comfortable job. So, what happens next?
五、助长了人的虚荣心和苟且心。
5. Encourages vanity and complacency in people.
人人都会遇到困难，都会遇到过不去的火焰山，自己解决不了时，那就应该求助于人，可有些人他有虚荣心、自尊心，身上毛都没有了，还想孔雀开屏，早他姑奶奶的不是处长了，还要摆出一付臭架子，对这样的人，谁去主动帮助，谁实际上是害了此人，他永远不会知道如何做人。
Everyone encounters difficulties and faces impassable mountains of fire at times. When unable to solve them alone, seeking help from others is appropriate. However, some individuals, with strong vanity and self-esteem, always want to display grandiosity. Even after they are no longer a director, they show off as if they are still in that position. For such individuals, anyone who attempts to help them may inadvertently harm them, yet they will never recognize the value of humility and genuine character.
六、助长了人的惰性。
6. Fostering Laziness
想想动物园的动物们，习惯了被人喂养，再回到野性的自然中，成活的概率会有多大？人家不求你，你主动帮助，他（她）若习惯了，就会有依赖的心理和意识，本来在关键时刻可以尽力一搏，从此发现自己具有的伟大潜力，但你一主动帮助，他（她）的潜力就永远也没有机会激发出来了，他（她）会永远认为自己是窝囊废，是丑小鸭。
Consider the animals in the zoo. They become accustomed to being fed by humans. What would their chances of survival be if they were returned to the wild? If someone doesn't ask for your help and you offer it voluntarily, they may become dependent. Initially, they could have exerted themselves during critical moments and discovered their own great potential. But once you step in to help, their potential may never get a chance to be unleashed. They will forever believe they are worthless, like the ugly duckling.
七、给自己心灵种下了隐患的种子。
7. Planting Seeds of Resentment in Yourself
主动帮助人都是在心情愉快，悲天悯人，关系融洽，因缘所迫等情况下发生的，但当时过境迁，自己的处境发生变化后，你主动帮助人的情景一幕幕会出现在脑海，你会掐着手指头如数家珍般地梳理帮助过的人，当初是如何帮助的，帮助了些什么，当你身处逆境险境时，你会期盼那些你帮助过的人们会主动来帮助你，若一旦不主动来帮助你，你心里肯定会来气，“哼！白眼狼！”“良心肯定让狗吃了！”“不知图报，畜生！”等等，你这不是自作自受吗？
Voluntarily helping others usually happens when you are in a good mood, feeling empathetic, maintaining good relationships, or feeling compelled by circumstances However, as time passes and your own situation changes, memories of those instances where you helped others will replay in your mind. You might meticulously recall each person you've assisted, how you helped them, and what you did for them. When you find yourself in a difficult or dangerous situation, you might hope that those you’ve helped in the past will step forward to assist you. If they do not step up voluntarily, you might feel resentment in your heart, thinking, "Hmph! What ungrateful people!" or "They must have no conscience!" or "They're worse than animals for not repaying kindness!" Aren’t you planting resentment for yourself?
八、背离了天道。
8. Contradicting the Natural Order
天生天长，天长天灭，成住坏空，生发兴衰都是天理天道，唯有明白了天道的人才能真正帮助他人，若不明白天理天道，我们所做的好事可能恰恰就是坏事，所做的善事可能恰恰就是恶事，就像当年在战场上把希特勒从死亡中救出来的那个英国士兵，他所做的善事不就是恶事吗？
The Tao governs birth, growth, and destruction. Formation, existence, disintegration, and emptiness, as well as arising and declining—all follow the principles of natural law. Only those who understand the laws of nature can truly help others. Without understanding these principles, our well-intentioned acts might ironically lead to harm, and our good deeds might ironically result in unintended consequences. Just like the British soldier who rescued Hitler from death on the battlefield, his act of kindness was seen as an evil deed in the grand scheme of history and morality.
你们看田野的花开得多灿烂，你们看天上的飞鸟飞的多自在，它们不需要我们自作多情去主动帮助，越帮越糟糕，相信上帝，相信天道吧，不要伸出多余的手。
Look at how brightly the flowers bloom in the fields, look at how freely the birds fly in the sky. They don't need us to interfere or offer help unnecessarily. The more we intervene, the worse things may become. Have faith in the Greatest Creator, trust in the natural order. Refrain from extending a helping hand where it’s not needed.
我们有困难时一定要求助，“蜀道难，难于上青天”！求人难，难于上吊投河，但无论如何难，面临困境时有必要向人求助，如此，我们自己才能理解人生，也才能在他人遇到困境时会及时雪中送炭。
When we face difficulties, we must seek help. "The road to Shu is hard, harder than climbing to the sky!" Asking for help is difficult, harder than attempting extreme measures, but no matter how tough it is, it's essential to seek assistance when in trouble. By doing so, we not only understand life better ourselves but also can timely lend a helping hand to others when they face adversity.
“受人滴水之恩，当涌泉相报”，凡事尽量靠自己，要相信自己有无限的潜能，但必要时，要勇敢地向人求助，以后报答即可。
"Grateful for a drop of water received from others, one should repay with a gushing spring." Try to handle as much as possible on your own and believe in your unlimited potential. However, when necessary, bravely seek help from others, with the intention of repaying their kindness in the future.
凡规律，皆有例外的情况，若是生死之交，那就另当别论，“跳出三界外，不在五行中”，连生命都愿意舍给他（她），还管什么“人不求我勿助之”的俗论。
All rules have exceptions, especially when interacting with a life and death friend. In such critical situations, different considerations apply. "Jumping out of the three realms and not within the five elements," one might even be willing to sacrifice their own life for another. In such moments, conventional sayings like "do not offer help unless asked for" hold little relevance.
当有人来主动献殷勤关心你的时候，提高警惕！当有人嘴里说“我这都是为你好”的时候，提高警惕！当有人来主动帮助你的时候，你就想：“嗨！真倒霉！”
Be cautious when someone comes forward to offer excessive flattery and concern! When someone says, "I'm doing this for your own good," be cautious! When someone volunteers to help you, you should think, "Oh, what bad luck!"
再论“人不求我勿助之”——《智慧篇》七十 (续)
Further Discussion on “Do Not Offer Help Unless Asked for”
浑沌草
Hundun Celestial
January 3, 2007
天生天长，天生天灭，野地里的花草有阳光雨露的滋润，树林中飞翔的鸟儿自有天赐的食物，非洲荒原上奔跑的野生动物自有繁衍生息的法则，人是天造自然物种之一，同样也可以自行生长，因为一切在道中运行，自有道安排保护惩罚。
Born naturally, perish naturally. Wildflowers in the fields are nourished by sunlight and raindrops, birds in the forests find their own food, and wild animals running on the African plains follow their own rules for reproduction. Humans, as one of the natural species created by the Greatest Creator, can also grow on their own. Everything operates within the Tao (the consciousness of the Greatest Creator), which provides arrangements for protection and punishment.
从微观上看，好像乱象纷呈，从宏观上观察，一切井然有序，因有序，科学家们才发现了规律，创造出了适合规律的公式，若无序，明天就不可能有一个太阳从东方升起。
From a microscopic perspective, it may seem chaotic, but from a macroscopic view, everything is orderly. It is this order that has allowed scientists to discover rules and create formulas that fit these rules. Without order, the sun would not rise from the east tomorrow.
人生是有轨迹的，若没有轨迹，河流就会漫溢山野。生命遵循着因果律，否则，人人都会出生在帝王或富翁之家。蜜蜂王国中自有天造的分工，并不是所有蜜蜂都可以成蜂王。
Life has its trajectory; without it, rivers would overflow into the mountains and fields. Life follows the law of causality; otherwise, everyone would be born into royal or wealthy families. In the kingdom of bees, there is a natural division of labor; not all bees can become queen bees.
若无视程序，人再好心，也会顾此失彼，“天将降大任于斯人也，必先苦其心志,劳其筋骨,饿其体肤,空乏其身,行拂乱其所为,所以动心忍性,曾益其所不能……”若哪位好心人从中横插一杠子，必然扰乱其程序，所谓好心办坏事。
If one ignores the process, even the most well-intentioned person can end up neglecting some aspects. As the saying goes, “When Heaven is about to confer a great responsibility on any man, it will exercise his mind with suffering, subject his sinews and bones to hard work, expose his body to hunger, put him to poverty, place obstacles in the paths of his deeds, so as to stimulate his mind, harden his nature, and improve wherever he is incompetent.” If a well-intentioned person interferes in this process, it will inevitably disrupt it, thus leading to a situation where good intentions result in bad outcomes.
有一只老鹰追赶一只兔子，请问，你救还是不救？你把兔子救了，老鹰咋办？老鹰窝巢里有十几只小鹰在嗷嗷待哺，若老鹰逮不到兔子，那十几只小鹰将会饿死，一只兔子和十几只小鹰比较，谁重谁轻？
Suppose there is an eagle chasing a rabbit. Would you save it or not? If you save the rabbit, what would happen to the eagle? In the eagle’s nest, there are over a dozen eaglets waiting to be fed. If the eagle cannot catch the rabbit, those eaglets will starve. Compared to one rabbit, which is more important: the rabbit or the eaglets?
某地豺狼成群，祸害当地生灵，普通狗根本不是野狼的对手，为了培养对付野狼的狗，人们把一窝小狗圈起来，饿极的狗就开始自相残杀，最终剩下的那条狗就成了野狼的天敌对手，从此，野狼就难以逞凶了。你若发善心不让那些小狗自相残杀，从而训练出威猛凶暴的狗，你将如何对付那些野狼？
In a certain place, packs of jackals are causing havoc to local creatures. Ordinary dogs are no match for wild wolves. To develop dogs capable of facing wild wolves, people fence in a litter of puppies. When the dogs become extremely hungry, they start to fight among themselves. Eventually, the last surviving dog becomes a formidable opponent to the wolves, who then find it difficult to be aggressive. If you show kindness and prevent the puppies from fighting each other, thus training them to be fierce and aggressive dogs, how will you deal with those wild wolves?
某人上一辈子作恶多端，这一辈子就让他吃尽苦头偿还前世孽债，这是天道的善心，你若时时去帮助，不让他吃苦，他的债务就难以还清，就会继续在人间轮回，或许又将造下无量孽债，请问，你是在做好事，还是办坏事？
A person who committed numerous wrongdoings in their previous life is now experiencing all sorts of hardships to repay past karmic debts. This is the compassionate nature of the heavenly law. If you constantly help them and prevent them from suffering, their debts will be difficult to settle, and they may continue to reincarnate in the human world, potentially accumulating boundless karmic debts again. Tell me, are you doing a good deed or a bad deed?
某人来到街市匆忙购买东西，却被一伙无赖纠缠而不得脱身，结果耽误了乘船，此船在海上航行几小时后被风浪打翻，船上乘客全部遇难。若你发善心，把无赖全部赶跑，然后开车把那人送上船，结果呢？
A person hurried to the market to buy things but got entangled by a gang of ruffians, unable to escape. This delay caused him to miss boarding a ship. Hours later, the ship capsized in a storm at sea, and all passengers aboard perished. If you, out of compassion, chased away the ruffians and then drove the person to catch the ship, what would be the outcome?
当我讲“人不求我勿助之”的时候，是考虑到了程序的运行，这是大德之德，修行修炼若不讲大德，处处显示自己的小德，就是与程序捣乱。
When I speak of "do not offer help unless asked for," I consider the flow of procedures. This adheres to the virtue of great benevolence in cultivation and practice. If one constantly displays their small virtues and disrupts the procedures, it contrasts with the principle of great benevolence.
“人不求我勿助之”但人若求我，就应当尽力助之，助到什么程度，完全取决于当下的情景。
However, "do not offer help unless asked for" also implies that if someone does ask for help, one should do their utmost to assist, to the extent dictated by the current circumstances.
某人驾车出了车祸，压在车下爬不出来，助，还是不助？我想，我们还是听凭自己心灵的驱动，若你听到了他求助的声音，那么，就奋不顾身去救他，若你听不到，在这特殊情况下，自己把握权衡。他为什么会出车祸？
If someone gets into a car accident and is trapped under the car, should you help or not? I think we should listen to the drive of our own hearts. If you hear their cry for help, then you should bravely rush to their rescue. If you didn’t hear it, in this special situation, you have to decide for yourself. Why did he have an accident?
当我们谴责他人见死不救的时候，问问这是为什么？我们自己能做到“见死就救”吗？每天有多少生命在死亡，你救了吗？你救出来了又能怎样？你能解决他面临的所有苦恼吗？你能保证救活了他，就能让他过上快乐幸福的生活吗？多少人是生不如死啊！
When we condemn others for not helping in life-threatening situations, we should ask why. Can we ourselves always "help when we see someone in danger"? How many lives are lost every day? Have you saved any? And if you did save someone, what then? Can you solve all their troubles? Can you guarantee that saving them will lead to a happy and fulfilled life for them? For many people, survival is worse than death!
为非洲饥民捐款救助，这是慈善行为，值得提倡，但非洲为什么有那么多饥民？难道缺乏阳光？缺乏资源？你让他们吃饱了今天，明天咋办？吃饱了今年，明年咋办？施舍一条鱼还不如给他们钓鱼工具。
Donating to aid African famine victims is a charitable act worthy of promotion, but why are there so many famine victims in Africa? Is it because of lack of sunlight? Lack of resources? If you feed them today, what about tomorrow? If you feed them this year, what about next year? Giving them fishing tools would be better than giving them a fish.
有人说，人不求我也要助之，好啊！那你就助吧！多少少年上不起学，请你去助，多少老人疾病缠身，请你去助，多少人的家庭在分崩离析，请你去助，多少人在遭受着精神和心灵的虐待，请你去助，多少人吃的饭比你粗糙，住的比你简陋，穿的比你寒碜……请你去助。
Some people say, ‘Even if people do not ask for help, I will still assist them.’ Sure! Then go ahead and help! How many young people cannot afford to go to school? Please go and help them. How many elderly people are plagued by illness? Please go and help them. How many families are falling apart? Please go and help them. How many people are suffering from mental and emotional abuse? Please go and help them. How many people eat rougher meals, live in simpler conditions, and dress more humbly than you? Please go and help them.
这个社会，唱高调的人总是比做善事的人多，只要每个人自己不做坏事，不给别人和社会添麻烦，他人求了就能助之，就烧高香了。（请参读《人不求我勿助之》——《智慧篇》七十）
In this society, there are always more people who talk big than those who actually do good deeds. As long as each person refrains from doing wrong and causing trouble for others and society, they should help when asked, and that would be a great thing. (Please read the similar article "Do Not Offer Help Unless Asked For")
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