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2024.8.8
泰戈尔诗译(5)
41.
The trees, like the longings of the earth, stand a tiptoe to peep at the heaven.
绿树,宛如大地的渴望,踮起脚尖窥视天空。
译注
The longings of the earth应是大地的渴望,而不是大地在渴望。翻译时不能忽视the longings of 和the longings for 之间的区别。前者是“某人的渴望”,后者是“某人在渴望”。
感言
有渴望才有希望。渴望越强烈, 希望才越有可能实现。
There is a longing, there is a hope. The stronger the longing is, the greater the possibility is to get the hope realized.
42.
You smiled and talked to me of nothing and I felt that for this I had been waiting long.
你莞尔一笑,对我一言不发,而我却感觉自己已经为此等待多时。
译注
译文中“莞尔一笑、一言不发、为此、多时”,都是文雅之辞,但前后一致。不过也可以译成:“笑着、什么也没有说、为了这个、很长时间”。这一组词语显然是通俗的日常用语,但风格依旧一致。无论哪组都可以用,但不要混用。
感言
心照不宣就在莞尔一笑中,心心相印就在默默无言中。
The signs of sharing same feelings exist in a sweet smile; the signs of having a tacit understanding exit in wordless silence.
43.
The fish in the water is silent, the animal on the earth is noisy, the bird in the air is singing.
But Man has in him the silence of the sea, the noise of the earth and the music of the air. 水里的鱼儿在沉默,陆上的兽儿在喧闹,空中的鸟儿在歌唱。
可人儿呢,既能在心中像大海那样沉默,又能在心中像陆地那样喧闹,还能在心中像天空那样奏乐。
译注
第二句直译:“人儿啊,心中既有大海的沉默,又有陆地的喧闹,还有天空的音乐”。化静为动,变成:“人儿啊,心中既能像大海那样沉默,又能像陆地那样喧闹,还能像天空那样奏乐”。为了在朗诵时更显得铿锵有力,节奏分明,在每句开始都加入“在心中”:“可人儿呢,既能在心中像大海那样沉默,又能在心中像陆地那样喧闹,还能在心中像天空那样奏乐”。
感言
人为万物之灵,只要用心,没有学不会的东西。
Man be the soul of
the universe. Nothing in the world is too difficult to learn so long as we set our mind on it.
44.
The world rushes on over the strings of the lingering heart making the music of sadness.
世界在缠绵之心的琴弦上奔驰向前,奏出忧伤的乐声。
译注
Rush飞速向前,Lingering缠绵不断,绵远悠长。
感言
世界啊,你慢些走!请演奏一些欢快的乐章吧。
The world, o, please be slower to make the music of happiness.
45.
He has made his weapons his gods.
When his weapons win he is defeated himself.
他把自己的武器造就成自己的神。
他的武器胜利时他却将自己击败。
译注
注意,gods是复数形式,是众神的意思,不是上帝。再者,除了用在句首用大写之外,用在句子中间要小写。Made his weapons his gods,起初翻译成:“变成自己的神”,仔细体会,把make译成“造就”比“变成”准确些,因为“变成”应该是change into或turn into.
感言
人们往往败于己,而毁于己。
Man is usually defeated and ruined by himself.
46.
God finds himself by creating.
上帝凭借创造发现自己。
译注
God在这里应该是上帝,而且翻译成“上帝”比较好,因为后面有creating创造,而提起“创造”,人们首先想到的就是上帝,而不是一般的众神。
感言
有所创造的人生是汪洋一片,没有创造的人生是死水一潭。
Life with creating is a vase sea yet, without, a pond of dead water.
47.
Shadow, with her veil drawn, follows Light in secret meekness, with her silent steps of love.
阴影,揭开自己的面纱,迈着无声的爱的脚步,悄悄儿地、温顺地跟在光的后面。
译注
With her veil drawn表示的是一种静止状态,就是面纱被揭开一直没有再蒙上。直译是:“面纱揭开着”,不如化静态为动态,再现“揭开”的动作。这样译起来语气连贯。
感言
背对太阳,眼前是阴影;面向太阳,眼前是光明。
With back towards the sun, shadow is before your eyes; facing the sun, bright is before your eyes.
48.
The stars are not afraid to appear like fireflies.
酷似萤火虫,星星才不怕呢。
译注
原来的语序是:“星星不怕自己显得像萤火虫”。把后面部分单独提到前面,并用逗号隔开,句子就会更加洗练。Appear like显得像,看上去像,用“酷似”就可以了。
感言
萤火虫再亮也是短命的,星星再暗也是永恒的。
Fireflies are short-lived even if they should be brighter; stars are everlasting even if they should be darker.
49.
I thank thee that I am none of the wheels of power but I am one with the living creatures that are crushed by it.
多谢你,我决不是权力之轮,而是一个惨遭其碾压的人,一个活生生的人。
译注
诗的后半截起初翻译成:“而是一个遭它碾压的活生生的人”。在汉语里,一个名词前面的形容词不能过多,大多只有一个,如果有两个,就会显得拖沓,如果是三个以上并列,就会令人难以忍受。因此翻译时要尽量避免,尤其在翻译诗歌的时候。“是一个遭它碾压的人,一个活生生的人”,顶针译法,可以产生循环往复,一叹三唱之感。显然胜过“是一个遭其碾压的、一个活生生的人”这样的直译法。
感言
使用不当,一个人的权利之轮不仅会碾压他人,也会碾压他自己。
Without properly using one’s power wheels, he would make them crush not only others but also himself.
50.
The mind, sharp but not broad, sticks at every point but does not move.
思想敏锐,却不开阔,处处执着,却不灵活。
译注
翻译时要尽量保持与原作一致,无论内容还是形式。这句诗起初翻译成:“心胸敏锐却不开阔,执着一点,却十分怠惰”。本以为不错,但就在立即放行过关的一霎那,却发现了破绽,即,sharp but not broad和sticks at every point but does not move都是but前后意思相反,而后者用not加以否定的句式。但我第二个词组却是“怠惰”,并非否定式。有鉴于此,我便修改成“却不灵活”。
感言
心胸开阔如海,思想敏锐如电,哪里还怕执着,哪里还愁灵活?
With sea-like mind and thunder-like thoughts, how could he be afraid of persistence and worried about flexibility?